I look down and see my baby is becoming a toddler, and I instantly needed to put all these thoughts into words. How do you close a chapter in your life that became so much a part of who you are?
In two days my last baby hits a huge milestone, he is ONE! No more first cries, tiny fingers, tender moments of feeding, fitting so perfectly in the nook of my arm or first coos. There will be no more babies.
When you make the decision to end that chapter of your life it can be overwhelmingly refreshing yet painfully sad. For the last ten years I carried four humans to term and naturally gave birth to each tiny life. That's HUGE and it's a blessing I don't take for granted. The sadness comes from knowing I will never hold a baby so physically close to my core again. No longer feeling the flutters that light up your soul because they literally feel like they touch your heart.
The joy comes from meeting these little people on a wonderfully new level. Each day is surprisingly new for us. My nine year old just told me he has a girlfriend (which in his world, just means he cares for a girl who he finds interesting) and I am paddling out into these uncharted waters with him.
My six year old is excelling in his sport at a rapid pace and each day I physically watch him grow and become a young boy. I will never forget how he once could fit all five tiny fingers around my thumb and now his hand is fitting perfectly into mine.
The little girl I never knew I needed, is now twirling in dresses and seeking her Daddy's approval on her beauty. This journey may be the one that teaches me reflection and patience. Not a day goes by that I don't look into her eyes and see the little baby they placed in my arms the day she was born.
It's my youngest that seems to be hitting on all my emotional buttons. My final baby, the end of an era. When did he get so damn big? When did his face change? When did I blink and it all pass so quickly?
I will fondly remember each first kiss,first smell, first whimper and first laugh. Those are forever locked away deep inside my heart. Now, I look excitingly toward the future. I look to all the new firsts I will get to experience with these children.
I am now lucky to experience first words,first day of school, first time on the potty,first love,first heartache,first achievements, first friends, first jobs and so many more with them. Motherhood does't stop when the babies become toddlers. We don't lose our ability to be needed and wanted. We find new ways to embrace the changes and the "firsts". I am so curious as to what our life will be like in five years and how that chapter of Motherhood will look.
So to this chapter of my life, You were so so good to me.
To the next chapter of my life, I am so excited to meet you!